Urge Control Contract

Through www.healingwives.com I found a link to this Urge Control Contract.
I had been thinking for quite some time beforehand that if we were going to make this work, then we'd have to draw boundary lines. Set clear expectations for behavior on both our parts. I mentioned the Urge Control Contract to my husband, Mike, to see he thought we could draw up something similar for ourselves. Mike agreed it seemed like a good idea. Together, this is what we came up with:


"Mike's Agreements
If and when I get a strong fantasy, thought, or urge to watch porn featuring adults and/or minors, take illegal drugs and/or prescription drugs which are not mine, or drink in excess, I will instead go outside, get a breath of fresh air, and, in general, take a break.
Then I will think over the following:
A slip or lapse is not unusual, it does not mean I have failed, or lost control of myself. And, especially, it does not mean I have to follow through on my impulse.
I may be feeling guilty or scared or blaming myself about my sexual fantasy, thought or urge. That is normal. I can get past those feelings. I do not have to give in to them. I do not have to label myself as out-of-control. I DO NOT have to give into my impulses.
I will think of this slip as a learning experience. I will examine closely my life and what has possibly triggered this impulse. What has been happening that led up to this slip? How can I cope with the stress? What can I use what I have learned in therapy to help me cope? Who will I call and talk to?
If I am still having trouble handling this urge, thought, or fantasy, I will call my wife or my best friend.
REMEMBER: AN IMPULSE DOES NOT MAKE ME OUT-OF-CONTROL! I AM IN CONTROL!
I understand that violation of this impulse control contract will result in the loss of computer priviledges for a period of time to be decided by my wife, Nicole. I also understand that violating this impulse control contract will cause invaluable loss of  Nicole's trust in me, and may possibly lead to divorce and the loss of my children should my infraction(s) be severe or frequent.
I have read and contributed to this impulse control contract. I have understood its contents and agree to abide by them.


"Nicole's Agreements
I understand that my husband, Mike, is not a perfect man. I understand that his poor impulses, sexual urges, and drug usage as come to be his natural coping mechanism after years of abuse and neglect. Even though these behaviors may be his natural urges, I refuse to accept dangerous behaviors in my home, my family, and my marriage. I agree that if and when my husband comes to me to discuss an impulse he has had or is having, I will not judge him for his impulses. I will remember that the imperfect person before me is the man I love, and that he has been judged and hurt by others in his life. I will be his safe place. I will help him to develop new, healthier coping skills. Together we will face his addictions and dangerous behaviors, and together we will overcome them. I understand that this will be a long and difficult process, as these impulses have taken half a lifetime to develop, they will not go away overnight. I understand that failing to show love and compassion to Mike throughout his process will cause him to not feel safe with me. I understand that lack of feeling safe within our marriage will only further stress, upset, and trigger him to relapse. 


"Mike and Nicole's Joint Agreements
We both agree to keep the lines of communication open. We both agree that the first week of every month we will re-read this contract together and alter our agreements as necessary. If agreements do not need to be altered, we will still read this contract simply to keep the agreements fresh in our minds and remind ourselves of why we are doing this."

Our personal Urge Control Contract (^above) is something we both contributed to, something that fits our situation and our personalities well. These statements and agreements may not fit all who find themselves in our shoes, however its what we agree will work best for us.